I struggled with how to be honest with my wife about sin and temptation when we first got married. In hindsight, I think it’s clear that I viewed accountability as a tool. I confessed my sins to her as a sort of relief valve when the pressure of guilt became too much to carry on my own. I asked her about her sins and her struggles to make me feel better about my own. This is not productive. This is not loving your wife well. The opposite of this is to try and be an island – to never talk about your temptations and your sins. This is just as dangerous.
Poor or selfish accountability will greatly hurt you in the long run. In the here-and-now, it will drive a wedge between you and your wife.
True accountability isn’t selfish. True accountability is concerned with the pursuit of holiness, not the relief of guilt or the justification of sin. I share my weaknesses with Kristie for the purpose of reconciliation with her and with God. We pray together for one another. We encourage one another. We preach the gospel to one another. Healthy accountability deepens our relationship with each other and it deepens our relationship with God.
The hardest aspects of accountability are consistency and honesty. If you don’t consistently and honestly share with each other, you’ll find that you’re slowly but surely growing apart from one other.
How do you and your wife do accountability? What are the pros and cons?
This is part of a series of posts centered on loving our wives as Christ loved the church.