I became a Christian when I was young, about 7 years old. I grew up In a family that was always in Church, and one Sunday after church I asked my mom how to be saved, and she told me that I needed to pray and ask Jesus into my heart and that He would take my sins away, so I went into my room and did that. I believe that Jesus became my savior that day, though my own walk was weak, I did know and trust that it was only through Him that I could go to heaven.
I’m sure many of you have a similar story. Sometimes though when I hear other peoples testimony of being involved with drugs or sexual relationships, hearing how God completely hanged their lives upon their trusting in Him I get a little jealous. It also makes me question if I am really saved, because we know that salvation is really demonstrated when a persons life is changed because of what God has done.
We also know that when we are saved, we still struggle with sin. This is a fact that will remain true until the Lord returns, but that does not make sinning ok. We need to continue to strive to rid our lives of sin, and this is only accomplished through Jesus, He gives us the strength to change. This is no different than the change that occurs in the life of a person who has just been saved! If we were saved young, we don’t need to fear that there was no change right after salvation, our continual change from sin to life in Jesus demonstrates that we are really saved.
This is something I struggle with I can’t feel the Lord there. I feel lost. I don’t live in sin and I believe Jesus is the only way to heaven but I feel like I’m in Limbo. Why didn’t I have this huge moment that said this is why I believe in God. I hear testimonies when people are getting baptized and think to myself why wasn’t it that intense for me when I got baptized. why didn’t I just know it was the right decision? Sometimes I feel like I should start drinking and indulging in my sexual desires so that God can pull me out of that so It can be more apparent to me that he is real. I have been trying to seek him for several years now. Feel like a failure.
Still, even though the Lord says be holy as I am holy, we find we fail often, even the most holy of us. Because the closer we seek God, the more what appears as normal becomes sin to us. We might excuse selfishness as long as it is good selfishness, or normal selfishness that we don’t even call selfishness. We find it is part of the very nature of our being. God is so very holy that our best is very poor. God asked Israel, When you fasted was it really for Me? So when we pray or praise, is it really for God? When I pray to the Lord for Him to give me strength for my struggles, nothing changes. There is no sudden download of strength. Just the same weakness. Why? I am really praying for the Lord to make it easier for me in my trials. His strength is made perfect in weakness. So that is one prayer the Lord will not answer according to my expectations. I’m wanting to be strong, and He is wanting me weak, totally loathe to trust in self, totally dependent on Him.
In the end we grow to worship God in the spirit and have no confidence in the flesh. Yet, as long as we live we still stray into the flesh, but recognize it and repent. I went out into the streets to the poor whom the churches never touch. I handed out gospels of John in both English and Spanish. It was just Jesus and me. A church found out about me and wanted me to come in and teach the congregation how to do what I do. So one day I went out into the streets again, but I could not do a thing. I went home and asked the Lord why I could not minister. What He conveyed to me was devastating. I was crushed. Unknown to me, pride had entered my heart. I stole God’s glory and did not even realize it until the Lord showed me. I told the Lord, Is there any end to flesh? I breathe I sin. So I moped depressed for a day or two, and then the Lord came and conveyed to me to knock it off and go back out. So I did and the Lord was present with me in the streets. People were touched. God put the dogs to sleep and that was no small thing. But despite my struggles, failures and good times, the foundation of my life is faith in Jesus Christ alone for my salvation. I dare not trust my best holy moments, and I do not keep beating myself over the head with my failures. I just admit they are there and marvel at the love of God. The stroke due me fell on Him.
hello, and i know how you really do feel. this summer i attended a christian ministry camp in nashville tennesse where i gave my life to christ. it wasnt until he entered into me and broke me down physically but mentally also christ will handle everything if we just ask, but if we say we are true christians, we cant sit here and sin, and just say oh it was just once cause once you start doin it it becomes a habit. i pray for you, and hope christ will continue to move in you.