There are many verses in the Bible relating to sex. Unfortunately because of our sin nature most of these verses deal with sexual immorality or impurity. God designed sex as a gift for married couples to enjoy within their marriage. The Bible clearly states that sex outside of marriage is sin.
“The book Song of Songs gives a detailed description of the love two people shared. It describes not only their emotional love, but also their sexual attraction. This book of the Bible is a description of pure romantic love as the Lord intended it.”
God’s plan for sex is clearly defined in Genesis. Genesis 2:24 says that a man will leave his parents to be united with his wife. This verse says that “they will become one flesh.” One flesh refers to the uniting of two monogamous people through sex. This verse makes it clear that the Lord wants us to wait to have sex until we are married. In Genesis 1:26-31 the Lord tells Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply. His intention was for them to enjoy their sexual relationship as they populated the earth. The book Song of Songs gives a detailed description of the love two people shared. It describes not only their emotional love, but also their sexual attraction. This book of the Bible is a description of pure romantic love as the Lord intended it.
If sex was designed for marriage, and marriage only, we can conclude that any sexual acts that occur outside of marriage are sinful. This would include having sex before marriage or having an adulterous relationship while married. The Bible refers to this as sexual immorality. Galatians 5:19-21, Ephesians 5:3, and Colossians 3:5-7 warn against sexual immorality. These verses describe sexual impurity as sinful and displeasing to God. The Bible states that sexual immorality and impurity are obvious acts of the sinful nature (Gal. 5:19).
“All other sins a man commits are outside of his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”
I Corinthians 6:12-20 also warns against sexual immorality. This passage implores its readers to flee from sexual sin. I Corinthians 6:18 says that “All other sins a man commits are outside of his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” This is a strong warning because it makes a distinction between sexual sin and all other sin. I Thessalonians 4:3-5 says that God’s will is for us to learn to control our own bodies in order to avoid sexual sin. According to these verses learning to control our own bodies is holy and honorable.
The Bible is clear when it comes to sex. Hebrews 13:4 says that the marriage bed should be kept pure, and that marriage should be honored by all. God created the gift of sex for married couples to enjoy within their marriage. The Bible gives clear warning against violating God’s plan for sex. There is no more precious gift than to be able to present yourself as a virgin to your spouse on your wedding day and to commit yourself to that person, and that person only, for the rest of your life.
I liked this article's topic, but afetr reading it I felt inclined to learn more about the difference in sex and marrital intimacy. I'd like to touch on no just pre-marital sex but also focus on what it might be like for post-marital sex, cause that's what is really scaring me as Christian man.
hey anonymous, what do you mean by post-marital sex? do you mean sex during marriage? what's scaring you about it?
Well, what about a young christian man, grown up celibate, abided by the Word of God; and when he gets married all the sudden he's supposed to understand, perform, and have a sexual relationship with some one that, yes he loves, but has never, hopefully, seen him naked, known what he's insecure about on his body, or know if the lady will even find him physically attractive? Seems like a lot real quick and real sudden to handle. What if he's not "good"? Or what if he doesn't want to? This man has been repressing his sexual urges for so long what happens to the guys that become emotionally impotet or just reluctant do to habit of suppresion? I think that is a scary thing to deal with and an even more desirable answer to search for in the Word. Though I do agree pre-marital sex is not something young men or women should partake in, it seems very frightening to confront the entire Embodiment of a Sexual Relationship. I don't know, seems pretty scary when I think about it. But maybe that's just me.
hey anonymous, sorry it took so long to get back to you. first of all, i hear where you are coming from. what you're feeling is pretty normal, based on my own experience and what i know from other christian guys. let me give you my perspective from the other side (i've been married for a little over a year now).
the truth is, a lot of what we get worried about is just lies from the world. let me break it down:
1. the world wants us to believe that the first (and every) time we have sex, it's going to be the most amazing thing ever. sex is definitely wonderful, as God intended it, but it takes time and practice, to be honest. nobody is going to be "amazing in bed" on their honeymoon, despite what anyone tells you.
2. the world wants us to believe that if we aren't having sex, then we are repressing our own urges and that we may lose our sex drive if we do (use it or lose it, so to speak). wrong again. God designed our bodies AND He intended us to wait for marriage. He wouldn't design us so that we would fall apart before we made it to the wedding night. sure, it's possible to have problems with impotence, but these things can usually be worked through, and from what i've read, they don't come from saving sex for marriage.
3. the world wants us to believe that sex is performance, and that we're going to be rated by how well we perform. (there's enough spam about that to show that it's a fear lots of men struggle with.) this is clearly a wrong perception of what God has designed. He designed sex as a shared experience that is NOT competitive and should NEVER be rated. godly women do not rate their husbands, and vice versa. and if we are saving sex for marriage, it won't be an issue, because you won't have a comparison. but regardless, it's not like they say it is in the movies and the girls you are looking to date and eventually marry will not be interested in that at all.
4. the world wants us to believe their is only one ideal body type and if you don't have it, you are unattractive. that's another lie. there is no one ideal body type. (have you ever noticed how ideas of physical beauty have changed from culture to culture and from century to century?) most guys are self-conscious about their bodies, but i can tell you right now that girls are even more so. as husbands, it is our jobs to honor and cherish our wives–that includes their bodies. godly wives do the same. i believe you can be attracted to anyone you want–it just takes time and love and keeping your mind from the lies of the world. don't let the world get in and tell you what has value and beauty. a godly wife is going to value you and your body because of who you are, and she will find you attractive in all ways, not just the way you look.
God designed sex to be the natural outcome of a loving marriage between a man and a woman who are intimate, loving, and caring in all other areas of their lives: spiritual, emotional, relational, etc. Physical initmacy is just another step in the process–but it has been designed for use only inside a marriage, where it can be nutured and protected. don't let the world get you down, man. they don't know what they are talking about.
That is all well and good Jeremy, I really do appreciate your views, but it all seemed to be centered around whether your wife was a godly woman. Well honestly the girl I have been in a 2 1/2 year relationship with is not a Christian. We have a great relationship and are cohesive in a lot of ways accept that she has yet to find the Lord and I don't know if she will soon or ever will. So what now? I know you don't have all the answers, but if I'd like to know more about how to rely on myself to develop a strong emotional and physcological state to prepare myself for this leap, this huge elephant of a relationship task. I don't know, I feel just like I have no bearing, no control over my ability to allow this problem to ease or become less malevolent. I think it's harder for me because I'm a firm believer in "Drive before you Buy" method of things, but this is the one situation in my life that I have been able to control, but I'm just scared that my reward for being celibate will be a failed relationship, depression, or the inability to overcome it all together and just end up celibate and alone. Seems like a losing fight. Anyway, enough hum drum glum for know. Take it easy man.
I hope you are alright with me jumping in on this, but I had a few thoughts about your most recent comment. I can see how you would become frustrated or overwhelmed by all of this. When we take it all on our own it seems, and ultimately is, impossible. The Lord has instructed us as Christians to rely on Him. It sounds like you are like me in that you are independent. I know that in my own life I have caused myself a lot of grief by trying to figure it all out on my own. The Lord wants us to come to Him for guidance. He doesn't want us to have to learn the hard way, but that is the danger when we try to do it on our own. I would suggest submitting yourself (everything in your life) to the Lord and ask Him for direction. This is a personal thing so it may mean fasting, praying, seeking wise counsel (which you are already doing), or searching scripture, or all of these. You aren't going to have all of the answers right now b/c we have to be patient. It may be best to evaluate things in your life to find the Lord's will before you overwhelm yourself with what may happen in the future. The Lord can show you things now that could help you prepare for the future and answer some of these concerns you have. Also, whenever we do what the Lord has instructed us (remaining celibate in this case) there is a reward greater than any other and that is pleasing the Lord. I understand how hard it is to comprehend a reward that not tangible. Remember the Lord has a plan for your life and He works everything out for His good. I encourage you to be patient and seek His will for your life. Maybe you aren't supposed to figure it all out now, or maybe He is already giving you direction. I know that I don't know you personally so I hope I'm not being too presumptuous. I just wanted to relate to you what the Lord has shown me in my own life.
hey anonymous, i think tim is right on. let me add a couple thoughts. first, you're right–you don't have control. that's life with the mask off, man. that's what life is for us christians–we realize full-well that we have no real control and we have the choice of either relying on God or relying on our weak selves. our ability to trust comes from believing that God has our complete best interest in mind. he knows much better than you or i who would make the best mates for us. so why try to do it on our own? he wants to guide us if we let him. but that's the difficulty of trust.
second, you mentioned that your gf isn't a christian. can i ask you something? do you think you would be selling yourself short by marrying a girl that wasn't under the control of jesus, listening to God, and growing in the spirit? don't take me wrong–i'm not saying your gf isn't great for you. it sounds like she is. but, is it worth it to you to marry someone who isn't operating under the same set of assumptions? just something to think about.
oh, one more thing, you mentioned that it scared you to think of ending up celibate and alone in the end. i know that fear, but it's unfounded. God knows what your needs are. "it is not good for man to be alone." sure, some guys remain celibate, but i believe that's a gift. make sure that fear isn't your motivation for a relationship and/or marriage. God will provide for you, bro.
See, I think it's just frustrating cause I feel like, as a man, I should have the forthright and the fortitude to handle and put myself, with God's grace, into any position that I can handle, but normally these tests and struggles involve me alone and not my significant other. I just don't understand is all. Normally the Word shows me understanding and a clear picture, but not on this one topic, well a few others. It's nothing to ache myself over though, I know He knows I'm scared and he'll do what's best for me.
And Jeremy, it's cool, some people don't understand why I'm promised with a nonbeliever, but I can't deny we work very well together as a couple and there is a lot of love there, and even with a non believer, I beleive where there is love, there is God. And Paul promotes me in 1 Chor. 7:13-16. And it just works. Not seeing eye-to-eye sometimes adds a little fire to a relationship, keeps me on my toes, you know? Well, anyway, I will continue to battle with this issue and hope God calms my nerves about it. I just brought it up cause I figured that there might be others who had the same fear that I had or were worried about the same thing I was. Bless both of you for your advice. I hope you are continuelly blessed and happy. Take it easy.
hey anon, God bless as you work out this issue. out of curiosity, are you nervous because marriage is closely approaching?
No…No. I am promised to my girlfirend of 2 1/2 years and we have plans for a future, but that won't be for about 3 more years. That's just one of those topics that I fret over when I study and review the Word. The bad thing is, if this is what I'm like now, then what will I be like when that marriage date is only a week away? I may come back to you guys again, so beware. haha
anytime, man. 🙂
Some things just can't be picked apart like that.
God intended for men and women to wait untill marriage to have sex, don't you think he would make to where it is an enjoyable experiance for those who honoured his intentions, and commands? Sex doesn't have to be an awkward thing, it can be an amazing thing when done in the confounds of marraige. That is what I believe to be true.As far as the finding someone attractive thing what you are saying is like when I get married and my husband sees my body naked for the first time it will be awkward. Yeah, but only for that moment, and we will know eachother so well by that time that it won't make a difference if I think I look good or not, he will love me and I him and that will be the main focus. I wish I could explain better. I hope no one takes that fear as an excuse to have pre-marrital sex. There are too many reasons not to have prem-marrital sex to consider any reason to have pre-marrital sex good enough.
I guess I am one of those people that doesn't understand why you are promised to a non-believer. As a Christian you follow the bible and you try to abide by it correct? Well the bible says "be ye not unequally woked with unbelievers" "for what fellowship does darkness have with light". Does that apply in this situation? It isn't something that can be over looked(not that you are). I don't really understand. It isn't my place to be judgemental please don't think I am. I have seen it in other situations. Good example My older brother was with his ex for almost 3 years. He called her his wife he knew she was "THE ONE" and he had every intention of marrying her. She wasn't where he was spiritually and he knew it. He talked himself into believing every lie he could that made it right to be with her and justified it in his own mind so that he could marry her. He got to the point where he had absoutely no dought and that was when things started to mess up. To make a really long story short he lost her, for more reasons than they weren't ment for eachother and God tried to tell him. God will let you know if what you are doing is wrong you just have to be open completely to hear it. Sometimes relationships like that could turn out that the non-believer gets saved, but most of us know you can't get into a relationship and expect to be able to change someone, not even if you justify it in your mind by thinking that it's God's plan and will that you try to help this person in dating them. Point is people are famous for convincing themselves that what they want and desire wether or not it is aggainst God, ok and they justify so strongly that it become what they want it to be in their mind,I know I have done it. You might have nothingin commen with me, but you are human and you should look at every aspect of your relationship and see if God is pleased. I think I need to do my own looking at my own relationship. Have you ever done that? Tried to be helpful to someone else and when your finished you realise that you need to take your own advie? I do It a lot!!
i’m a young Christian guy in my 2nd year of highschool,and I am having a hard time knowing what actually counts as sex. Does anyone here know what all counts as sex? thanks
anon. 2,
Sex does not refer to merely sexual intercourse. it refers to everything in between, and any lustful thoughts we have. As men, it is getting increasingly hard to respect this, and I pray God’s strength on us all to overcome this.
Hey Jeremy I am haveing a hard time with sex my self seeing how I walk
with God as well, Its hard being a handy caped man in your erly 20es and
you wanted sex the right way but it like the only way a handy cap man can
get to have sex is by the worng way but I want to wait there are even time’s
when I dont think there is any one what there but the prasser is hill out of all
the guys here I have it harder you guys can kiss a women you guys can
hold a women I would take that over sex any day of the year. Will thats all I
have to say on the matter of sex may God walk in font of you.
This article was great ! What do you say to someone who says that God made them emotional creatures and that they cannot control themselves? Say after 10 years of the husband not being affectionate or intimate in any way. Also; for this same person what would you say when they looked at you shocked when you suggest they could control their thoughts and emotions? Sighs.
This was an amazing article! Since I’m still in high school, I can really relate to the topic of sex before marriage. I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now and sometimes it is really hard to stop myself. Hopefully I’ll take these lessons to heart. Thanks again for the article!
Andrew
but what if you’ve already have had sex? Although i grew up in the church, i lost god when i left for college. I don’t think I WAS a christian when i met and had sex with my boyfriend. Now I’m trying to get intune with God and rebuild the relationship i let doubts and anger destroy. we were each other’s first, and we intended to be with each other in the long term, as in marriage, as silly as it sounds now. I feel that in a way i’m married to him, because of what we’ve done. He believes in God but he is struggling just like me. What should i do?
What about sexual things just not intercourse? There are many things teens are doing, “pleasureing” each other, is that a sin? Is it considered sex?
I’m glad there is an article on this. As a young Christian women, it’s sometimes hard to explain this to nonbelievers… my husband included. I’ve recently been discussing the topic of nudity and the such with some coworkers. I’ve told them where I stand on the topic (and I feel very strongly about it) and how I’m against strip clubs and movies with ANY nudity or sex scenes. Some of them don’t agree with me that it’s wrong, and their wives don’t have a problem with it either! Does anybody have anything I could use to explain my view better or any scripture to back me up on this? They are going to a bachelor’s party at a strip club tomorrow, and if I could present them with some more information, it might help them see why I feel the way I feel… Thanks again!
I am curious how you make the conclusion that Genesis 2:24 states that we are to wait until after marriage to have sex? I am sure there are other passages that indicate this, but Genesis 2:24 just states that when a man and woman become married that they leave their parents.
Answering AJ I too believe that anything that has to do with SEX outside the marriage and or any sex scenes on movies or television shows or strip clubs are immoral and if Our Lord Jesus was here would these people take Him to a strip club? would they watch porn with Him? I have always known that Jesus through the Holy Spirit is always with us, That is if you have accepted Him as your Lord and Saviour. Go into this web address http://www.biblebb.com John MacArthur can answer a lot of your questions and give you scripture to back it up. Okay now for the unmarried you have to ask yourself (if you have accepted Our Lord Jesus as your personal Saviour.) in any situation sexual or just sinful Our Lord is always with us He sees and hears everything we do. Would you take Him on your next date? Will you take him to a party you know in your heart will be sexually oriented? If you leave Him at the door then I would question your relationship with Him did you really accept Him as your Lord and Saviour????? Remember we are suppose try to be as perfect as He was and is.
I have a question in regards to sexual temptation. What is the most to the point scripture where Jesus himself makes a remark about sexual sins? I am teaching a class on sexual integrity and on sexual compromise. I was led to teach this and it has been a huge burden placed in my heart but I am often asked” Was Jesus tempted with sexual desires”….I know the answer but where do I find scripture to back me up? Can you help me?
Email me at jazymena@hotmail.com I need some help and I am seeking some Christian mature friends. I am happily married…going on 8 years. I am 26. I just need some mentors. Thanks and God Bless.
So, it seems like there are a number of married people here, but nobody has answered the teenagers’ questions about where to draw the line in detail. Is kissing too much? cuddling? help????
In reply to anon.3: Read Lauren Winner’s book Real Sex. In it she states that she goes by one rule of thumb in order to judge what is “too much.” WHATEVER YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE DOING IN PUBLIC, YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN’T BE DOING IN PRIVATE BEFORE MARRIAGE. Also, kissing and cuddling are fine but I firmly believe that it’s all about the spirit of the act and often times, young people treat these as precursors to groping and masturbating. I think if your heart is in the right place, and not a place of lust at all, kissing and cuddling are very sweet (and very appreciated) displays of affection.
Dear all,
I was doing a lil search re sex before marriage in different religions. I was surprised to know that all religions on earth consider sex before marriage a sin. I’m 27 and still virgin 🙂 and i have to admitt thats it hard, but god bless i shall keep my virginity till i marry the one.
in regards to IKJJ from August: I’m sure you know all the scripture relating to sexual impurity or immorality. If the act or the giving of pleasure has the word “sex” attached to it, such as oral sex or if the act can be described as what you called a “sexual thing” ~ then my dear It Is Sex! and outside of marriage it is impure and immoral and displeasing to God.
in reply to Yolonda from July, you asked “what should i do?”. No one likes to give advice on what a person should actually do, including myself.And many months have gone by since your question and your situation may have changed and found your answer. However there may be others now with a similiar situation. Your answer can be simple, turn to the bible. There are many scriptures, but a couple that might help; Exodus 22:16-17 and also Deuteronomy 22:28-29. My question for you would be, since you said “we intended to be with each other in the long term, as in marriage,I feel that in a way i’m married to him”. Then what has kept you from getting married? I am proud of you and him getting back into church and into His word and not letting anger keep you away from the bessings that God has in store for you two. Keeping fighting the fight. 2 Thessalonians 3:13 and Galatians 6:9, etc…- motivation to fight satan. May God bless you.
I’m impressed by the many insiteful answers and the honest and open discussion-very impressed. And I’m extremely thankful that there are so many deeply devoted people that are living for our Lord. Cherri brought up what I was immediately thinking-God is VERY direct about not being yoked w/a non-believer. The analogy is strikingly clear-LIGHT vs DARKNESS. Jesus is light and if you don’t have Jesus, you have darkness-and the 2 aren’t compatible. The choice of who to marry is prob. the 2nd most important decision next to deciding to give your life to Jesus. Paul recognized marriage’s influence so greatly that he actually told us it’s better NOT to get married! That’s a BOLD statement, but it demonstrates how extremely important marriage is. He (and the Lord through him) says married people are concerned w/their spouse (rightly so), but do you think the Lord wants us to devote ourselves that deeply to anyone that has rejected (at the present time) His Son? It doesn’t mean don’t love and care for a non-believer-that would NEVER be the case. But marriage is so COMPLETELY important (JESUS is “married” to His church) that we’re instructed against not marrying a non-believer. There’s much to be considered-God absolutely instructed His people to NOT intermarry. In Ezra 10, Shechaniah says, “We have trespassed against our God, and have taken strange wives of the people of the land…” Then they made a covenant to put away the strange wives and those born of them. It was so grievous, they left their wives AND CHILDREN! Now, these were “strange” wives who weren’t what we’d call today “believers.” This isn’t to say if you’re already married, leave your unbelieving spouse-Paul said not to do that (if they want to stay married to you). But this illustrates how important it is to God to not marry an unbeliever. Marriage is so critical that all of the implications need to be considered.
hmm… have you all thought about the word MARRIAGE? god does not recognize state granted marriaged … for those are of ceaser and of sin…… better think a little harder folks … you are being dupt here…
What did Jesus say about sex? I don’t see anything quoting Jesus directly.
my bf and i kiss and touch eachother regularly bt we’ve planned not to have sex.. is it wrong
Hey do u guys know What the bible says about sexual relationships???
I have a real problem with sexual sin and its not for a lack of knowledge, I just cant seem to step out, it always seems to wrap itself around my life and threaten my security. I find myself letting the enemy into my living situations in ways that could have me lose everything, i need help, please e-mail me…
amanenemy@hotmail.com
I have a real problem with sexual sin and its not for a lack of knowledge, I just cant seem to step out, it always seems to wrap itself around my life and threaten my security. I find myself letting the enemy into my living situations in ways that could have me lose everything, i need help, please e-mail me…
INTERESTING LINK:
http://www.christianforums.com/t7450058-9/#post54843789
[TOPIC:
The lack of support or encouragement given for the
+30 year old and +40 year old single Christians to
remain ‘virgins’ (or even just ‘abstinent’) until marriage.
Shockingly, it’s actually been found that the place that
this group is most often mocked, discouraged and / or
ridiculed for their decision is “within the church” itself.]