When most people hear the word “accountability,” they immediately become uncomfortable. The thought of making oneself totally open, honest, and vulnerable with another person doesn’t sound appealing to most of us. It’s easy for people to stay in their comfort zone and avoid confronting difficult issues and weaknesses in their lives. Many Christians miss out on the significant spiritual growth and development that can result from accountability.
So what exactly is accountability? An accountability relationship should be one in which two or more believers prompt each other to grow closer to the Lord through questioning, challenging, admonishing, confessing, and encouraging. The purpose of this relationship should be to help each other grow spiritually. Generally when we think of accountability we think only of the negative. Usually believers think of this as sharing their sins with others. While this is part of accountability, there is more to it. Accountability should incorporate not only the confession of sins, but also the sharing of burdens, testimony of God’s work, and prayer. It should be an uplifting time of worship and fellowship that helps those involved grow closer to each other and the Lord.
Why should Christians subject themselves to this type of relationship? James 5:16 says to “confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Ephesians chapter 4 talks about unity in the body of Christ. In this chapter Paul talks about the importance of Christians encouraging and holding each other up. We need each other so that we may not stumble. No Christian can do it alone. Not only is it important to be involved in a local church, but also finding someone with whom you can have accountability is essential in our spiritual walk. Without encouragement and support from other Christians we become weak. Satan looks to weaken our relationships with other believers because he knows that strong Christian relationships make strong Christians.
What should an accountability relationship look like? Obviously it is imperative that your accountability relationship be with someone who is also a Christian. The purpose of the relationship is to help each other grow in the Lord by confronting weakness, providing encouragement, and confessing sin. It is important for the accountability partners to be compatible. They should share the same values and similar beliefs about sin. Also, it is not appropriate to have a partner who is extremely weak in the same area as you. For example, if you have struggled with alcoholism, it would most likely only make matters worse to be confessing your sin and revealing the temptations you are facing to someone who has also struggled with alcoholism. Your confession may weaken them and cause them to be tempted. Also, the individual would most likely not be able to provide you with wise counsel in this area. Having an accountability partner from the opposite sex can also be dangerous. Accountability is a very deep and emotional encounter and one that can be hindered, or even destroyed, by inappropriate feelings for the opposite sex that may result from sharing such deep and personal information. This may work for married couples, but most experts recommend finding a partner of the same gender, even for married individuals. Your accountability partner needs to be someone with whom you feel comfortable enough to be completely honest with. The individual also needs to be a person who you can trust to ask you directly about how you are doing with fighting against temptation.
Most people engaged in accountability may find it helpful to have a specific time and day scheduled to meet each week, with the understanding that they will contact each other if they need to speak sooner. Accountability sessions should be structured. Partners should come prepared to confess their sins, as well as confront their partner in a loving manner about how they have done in their areas of temptation. Honesty is the most important aspect of accountability. It may be difficult to be honest, but if each partner is familiar with the other’s weaknesses they can prompt honesty by asking direct questions. The accountability session shouldn’t be all about negative things. There should be a time of encouragement and prayer. Remember that the purpose of accountability is to build each other up. The point isn’t to condemn each other for failing, but to encourage each other to submit to God’s will by relying on His grace for strength.
For most of my Christian life I have not had an accountability partner. I told myself that I could do it on my own. I was afraid of opening up to another person. I made excuses so that I didnt have to obey God’s Word. In my heart I knew that accountability was something that I should do, but I allowed myself to avoid it because I knew that it would be uncomfortable and difficult. Recently I began meeting with my father for accountability and I have been so encouraged by what the Lord has done in my life through our time together. I was nervous about initiating it, but I have found that the Lord has taken away that discomfort and that He has begun to make me feel enthused about having an accountability partner. Meeting with my dad makes me feel supported in my faith. I know that I can share anything with my partner and know that he won’t judge me, but that he will lovingly confront me if needed. When I stumble I know that I have a brother who loves me and wants to see me grow close to the Lord.
I was encouraged to seek an accountability partner after reading Joshua Harriss book Not Even a Hint. This is an excellent book for those who are struggling with sexual impurity (and all people for that matter). I was especially excited about chapter 8 of this book, which describes, in detail, our need for accountability. It lays out a good model for how accountability should be done, and it also talks about some things that should be avoided. I would encourage you to read this entire book, and follow the guidelines that Joshua Harris has written about in chapter 8.
I hope that you will have a desire for accountability. You may be thinking that you don’t know anyone who you could be accountable to, but don’t give up hope. The Lord doesn’t ask us to do something without providing a way. He will be faithful to you. Ask the Lord to show you who He has for you. It may develop into one of the best relationships you ever have.
Originally published March 8, 2004
Thanks for this article Tim! I think what hit home best with me was that accountability is not all about the tough stuff but that we need to always make a point to be encouraging each other and telling each other about the cool ways that God is moving. Wouldn't Satan just love for us to be so focused on our problems that we don't share what God is doing knowing that would encourage those listening? Hmm…got me thinkin…anyway, that is really sweet too about you having accountability with your father. Your whole family is so precious. Thanks again!
Of course the Lord shows different people different things; but one of the things that God has shown me is that Christ can be my all…and that though there may be good friends out there who could help me, that I need to look to Christ for my ultimate help. I'm curious as to what you think about that topic (or anyone else for that matter). I like the article, but I'm afraid I'm not too good at just accepting stuff I read. Could you please go into some more detail about what I just wrote? I'm searching! But I'm also cautious.
-JeepMan
JeepMan,
I agree that God IS all we need. He is everything that we need or ever could need. However, some people, me being one of those people, have an easier time disappointing and disobeying God, because He is not tangible. It is easier to talk yourself into and out of things that you know God would disapprove of, because He cannot verbally discuss the issues with us. It is not really that we need someone else to help us; however, I believe that God blesses us by putting people in our lives that HE uses to speak to us. I believe this because of Galatians 6:1-2, "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently…Carry each other's burden's, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Jesus says in Luke 17:3, "If your brother sins, rebuke him." We know that Jesus did not need accountability partners, but even Jesus wanted His disciples to be with Him and pray for Him in the hours before His crucifixion. It is interesting to me that the times in the Bible that Jesus was tempted He was by himself (Matthew 4:1-11). I think what Jesus says in Matthew 26:41 sums up the importance of having an accountability partner "The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." The Lord knows that we are going to be tempted and stumble, and for that reason He puts people in our lives to help us and encourage us when we are struggling with something. The Lord definitely gives us the tools to overcome temptation, and I think one of those tools He gives us are good, Christian friends that we can be held accountable to. Whether we accept that gift is up to us. I do not think that by having an accountability partner we are saying, by any means, that the Lord is not sufficient. But I do know that I am not sufficient on my own, and that if possible, I would like as much help as I can get. Ultimately I know we must look to Christ for help, but I think through His example and the Word (and in my own case – personal experience) an accountability partner is one tool that Christ has given me to help strengthen my walk with Him. Each person is different, and there may be times when God hasn't placed anyone in your life that you could have this type of relationship with, but I think it is a good idea to keep our hearts open to the possibility of having an accountability partner. I hope this answers the questions you had after reading the article. Thanks for your comments. It's great to be able to learn from one another.
grtsbsbs
The concept of accountability is scriptual. The Word of God commands that we edify and build each other up in the faith; so that we may remain strong.
I can understand why so many christians shun being accountable. Alot of what is in the church is of the world…busy bodies, gossipers, controlling spirits and so forth. There is a big issue of trust/confidentiality.
One need to pray and seek God’s confirmation about who to be accountable to within church circles.
Accountability is something we need to really emphasize in our postmodern society of “do whatever you want and have it your way-no one has the right to judge you”. This postmodern way of thinking has been subconciously adopted by believers and has made it difficult to encourage one another in our spiritual growth. It has been creating superficiality, toleration and a universal move lacking the power of true revival. It takes humility to allow another to be your eyes when you can’t see because by nature (sinful nature), we tend to think we have it all under control. Thanks for the article!
Excellent article. The one thing that I would add is that the relationship that is established has to be one built on a foundation of grace and non-judgment. That’s ultimately where the trust is built and sustained over time.