A well known celebrity is found screaming at paparazzi as she walks the distance from her flight to her ground transportation. This usually friendly star surprises the media as she yells and runs for cover. The reason? She didn’t have any make-up on and her complexion is quite bad, according to an insider, so she didn’t want to be seen. Hmm…why would this popular actor feel the need to hide from us? I mean, it’s her talent that we admire, right? Or does even she, with all her wealth, fame, and genuinely good looks know that we are judging her by her face? She knows it and we know it too.
The most alarming truth about this is that if someone that most people would label, “beautiful” feels less than that label without make-up on, what hope does that give the rest of us “average” people? Oh, but see what’s great about this is that it shows us how ridiculous our obsession with physical beauty is.
The truth is that our culture is obsessed with looks. So much so, that the only women that model clothes and beauty products are typically around 98% thinner than the average woman! Magazine covers are swarmed with airbrushed (and when I say airbrushed, I’m not just talking about covering a pimple…I’m talking about cutting away at the woman’s waist and thighs to make them look smaller than they actually are) ideals in order to show us that these woman have it together because they look good!
People, (and I mean ladies mostly) we need to stop the obsession with beauty! It is a waste of our time and a detriment to our self concept. There are very few people out there that would say that they feel great about the way they look, and that is a very sad thing, especially since God makes it plain in his word that he doesn’t give a flying fish about what we look like. It’s skin and hair, not heart and soul.
“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Sam 16:7)
I know it’s hard not to fall into the mentality and I’ve struggled with it myself, but I have come to the point where I believe that I am beautiful and it’s not because I’ve perfected the latest make-up technique. It’s because God has told me that I am beautiful to him and I finally started to believe it.
In high school my boyfriend (now husband) and I started dating when I was a junior. I barely wore any makeup, my hair was quite an undone mess, I weighed more than I do now, and my clothes were not all that impressive because I just couldn’t afford it. The money I made at work paid for my car insurance and for any random expenses (going out to eat, buying birthday presents, tithe, etc…). On top of that, I would say that I was somewhat insecure. I kind of liked some things about my personality (like my “I don’t care what they think about me” loud mouth even though I really did care) and I even thought I was kind of funny. But overall, I wouldn’t say that I thought I was anything special. I had never had a boyfriend, and any boy that had shown interest in me, I had decided did not look “cool” enough for me to date….so I remained loveless for most of my high school years.
The crazy thing is that Todd still liked me. Not only that, he pursued me. The reason why this is amazing is because later on I started to develop a desire for looking nicer. I had a friend who always looked perfect and I decided that I too would strive to be like her. She had make up books and all kinds of cool clothes. I would try too! I’d take my mom’s free samples of makeup and work extra long to blow-dry my hair. I’d accessorize and buy a cool shirt whenever I could. This progressed for months and I was loving my new attitude towards my looks. The funny thing is that it’s hard to put much energy into one thing and not lose it in something else. What I am saying is that this desire to look good must have impacted my personality negatively because Todd ended telling me one day, “you know honey, I think you’re beautiful, but I kind of liked it more when you didn’t really care all that much about what you looked like. That was part of the reason that I was drawn to you.” WHAT???? I seriously could not understand what he was saying. How could you tell me that you liked it more when my hair was less tame and I didn’t wear contrasting eye shadow? I mean come on…this is common sense we’re talking about! I look better now…you should like me more! That’s what society would have like me to believe anyway.
That day I learned two life-changing things:
- I had found a quality man
- What we have learned about beauty is a lie
The world is judging us by our looks. That is a fact and if we are honest enough with ourselves we will admit that we do it too. We, however, have the power to change that. First of all we need to stop deciding what people are like without seeing them through God’s eyes. Even the most detestable person in our eyes (a murderer, child molester, or someone with a huge deformity) is God’s child and someone that Christ went to the cross for. Second of all, we need to stop obsessing with ourselves and feeling down when we look into the mirror. Even more than that, we need to stop looking into the mirror so much!! It’s perfectly ok to get ready for your day and feel good about the way you look. I am not saying that you shouldn’t care about what you look like, but there comes a point when you have to realize that (like most things) your self concept is a heart issue. If you are not feeling filled up on the inside, the outside is not going to look very nice to you. In the mornings I’ve prayed during my quiet times “Lord make me beautiful on the inside with your word, because if I am not beautiful on the inside, it does not matter in the least bit what I look like on the outside.” Ever known a beautiful girl that wasn’t very nice? She didn’t look so good after she looked down on you, did she?
I know that we don’t believe the cliché’, “Beauty is on the inside” but just like the “Golden Rule” it is true. This is why God makes the statement to Samuel to not judge on the appearance of Eliab. God knew it from the start that people were going to judge based on faces. Knowing this he plainly tells us to stop. His whole word is constantly reflecting on the condition of our hearts. It says very little about our face and figure.
Let’s stop obsessing about our looks. We know that it’s what man looks at but God’s opinion is the only one that should matter. He had made us the way he wants us to be and we may be preventing him from using us in a bigger way by channeling our energy into what we look like versus who we are on the inside. The greatest men and women in history have gone down with legacies of making a difference, not because they were so pretty. Let’s follow their footsteps and let God beautify our hearts and intentions. Then, he will transform our outward appearance into something that cannot be improved upon by foundation and powder.
Very well put, Carolina. I completely agree with eerything you've said.
Thanks for that article, I only wish it would go past hearing. Unfortunately, I've heard this again and again and truly believe it…and yet I still end up in tears at times…because I feel alone, fat, ugly, unloved, unneeded, etc. I hardly eat much…and I've tried to exercise more. I'm not fat, I tell myself I just want to "tone up" and I do. However, I'm not losing any weight and that's good I'm maintaining but there are areas I'd like to tone up…such as my stomach. But anyway, I'm in high school…I don't wear make up other than some lip gloss or chapstick every now and then. I wear my hair up in pony tails. I don't "dress up" because I am considerate and know my parents don't have the money to waste on such things. I am a sophomore in high school, an honors student and even taking a college class for college credit (if the exam in May is passed) and also for an extra grade point average added to my GPA. In addition to this I am also in academic decatholon which also gives me an extra grade point average. I am in other clubs also. I'm exhausted, tired, and sad most every day….I know the only thing that keeps me going is God. When I'm sick….I'm still in school….I try to take care of myself and not get sick often because I can't miss school. I just do a lot and I do so because I know it's right, I know it's one of the only things I'm good at, I know I'm not happy with my life now and want to make it better, and I also feel like I have at least a little value and worth in it. I've never had a boyfriend, and don't really want one right now because I want to date a man and not some silly, immature boy. I take love seriously…and it's depressing to see this world around me….I don't see men like the one you married. I don't see guys who have morals, values, and a deeper insight into a woman beyond her looks. This saddens my heart deeply. I just have a deep sadness in my heart and right now it seems like it won't go away for a long time….I just pray that my future husband IS out there somewhere and that he looks at me like your husband does you….and I pray that God is taking care of him because if this man does exist….he is something special and rare indeed. Until then, I am just going to have to drudge through my everyday life….trying not to cry and trusting in God and asking him to help me.
MissAlicia,
There are so many things I want to say in response to your post, but first I must say that I understand and you're not alone. I have identified with many of your posts and hear echoes of myself when I was in high school. I am a self-proclaimed over-achiever and people pleaser. I, like Paul, have a lot to claim when it comes to worldly standards. I was the class president, outstanding vocalist, valedictorian- you name it, I did it and most likely achieved at it. I went onto to college to pursue activities and awards that brought honors and the applause of man. I have always accepted the fact that I am just not beautiful- much to the disappointment of my husband who thinks Im gorgeous- because I could justify my shortcomings in that area by counting all my other achievements. I struggle with the idea of weighing too much and being disgusted with myself. I am a couple of years ahead of you, however, and I have some disappointing news, no circumstance will change the way you feel. Losing weight will not make you feel better. Finding a boyfriend or a husband will not make you like yourself more. All of these things are just ornaments when the larger issue is the health of the tree.
My husband and I will be married 2years this March and I have to confess to you that I have never liked myself less than since I got married. My husband adores me. He thinks I'm beautiful, smart, funny; you name it, he'll say I'm good at it. But the basic fact remains- I don't like myself. To take it a step further, I don't like the body and the life God gave me. It is scary to confess this but it is the ultimate truth. Every time I criticize myself, I spit in my Creator's face and say that He didn't do a good enough job. Every time I feel down about not being good enough at something, I tell Him that I don't like the person He's made me. I sometimes even excuse it by saying that I'm just so disappointed in myself for not doing better, being thinner, looking prettier, when in reality I'm just feeling sorry for myself because things didn't go the way I would have planned it.
Perfection is only obtainable when it is toward the right goal. If I'm seeking any perfection beyond the perfection of being a child of God, I will fail. The truth of the matter is that we are deeply loved by our Creator no matter what we look like. He created us as the masterpiece over all of His creation and is in awe of us. I think, like you, all of my life I just thought that if I could find the right husband and the right career, then I would love myself, but Im here and nothing has changed. Its only gotten harder because Im older and I know more. I guess what Im saying is that over the course of the past two years, Ive realized that the only solution to any problem is Christ. No circumstance or success will make me feel better. Only the love of Christ can fill the empty spaces of my heart. Only the God of all of creation can know my needs; my need to be accepted for me, not for my accomplishment, my need to love the body Hes given me, not the body Im going to work toward.
GOD LOVES YOU SO VERY MUCH! I know that He cries with you when you cry your tears of loneliness and defeat. I know that He weeps when He watches you look in the mirror in disgust. He weeps because He thinks you are the most beautiful, wonderful woman and you refuse to listen when He tells you how much He loves you. I know all of this because Im learning that kind of love. I am far from fully comprehending it, but even the taste of it that Ive gotten has made me ashamed and disgusted with the lies Ive believed. Ive allowed the most vile beast of all creation, Satan tell me that Im not good enough and Im not lovely enough to be loved, when in all reality, I am lovely because Im loved, not loved because Im lovely.
I am going to pray for you tonight as I go to look in my mirror and decide if Ill praise or criticize my masters work of art. I will pray that God would show both of us how He truly sees us and I will beg for His grace to show us even more, every day how incredibly astounded He is with His creation- You!
Kristie, it took a lot of courage for you to post that response and I commend you for it. You know, the reality is that God gives us everything good about us. You're right. You're not funny or talented or good at anything. Neither am I. I am not loving or giving or anything good. GOD IS THE ONE THAT GIVES US THESE ATTRIBUTES THAT OTHERS SEE. Deep down inside we are all crooked, so I think that sometimes God reminds us of that so that the next time someone says, "you're funny" we don't think, "I am pretty funny, aren't I?" No, God gives me that attribute. I've known this because I used to think I was pretty loving by nature until I just spent some time loathing people. I didn't want to love anyone, in fact all I wanted to do was criticize them and pick them apart in my mind. AHA! So maybe my loving "nature" is not my nature after all. My nature is selfish, bottom line. However, we are not to focus on that nature, but pray for the new creation that God has made, and I know that you know this. Kristie, when I look at you, I see a beautiful, giving woman. I would not say that if I didn't see it. Sure, we all struggle with things, but you are gifted by God in so many ways. You serve willingly, you empower others through your desire to not see people taken for granted, and you really are funny. For real, you know Todd is not easily impressed and he thinks you're a riot. God has given you these attributes and he uses them to bring about glory for himself. He is using your brain to make you into his servant. He knows the deep down ugly side of you and me, and still is crazy about us. It doesn't make any sense at all, but it's true. Again, thank you for your honesty. Please know that I love you SO MUCH….and I am priveledged to have a friend like you.
Carolina, thank you for writing this article. I am struggling right now with a female friend who is going through many, many issues relating to some of these ideas. i am praying fervently and incessantly for her to cling to her identity in Christ, but so far she isnt really responding. it seems she is so caught up in pride that she refuses to let anyone else know about her problems (which are beginning to include an eating disorder) except me. i love her and i want the best for her and have been trying to give her advice and point her to scripture but i know i cant imagine what girls go through. i am sending her your article and i pray that it helps her. thank you for allowing God to use you in this manner
Can I throw a guys perspective in on all this? 🙂 don't kill me, I'm just a guy, and will probably say this badly so….
It doesn't matter that much to other guys! Any guy who is out for more than animal pleasure (i.e. this "decent guy" I keep hearing about) will be looking for more than looks. I've found that most of the time the people who have the most trouble with the way they look are the one's who look the best 🙂 and consequently are erased off my list of possibilities because they are too vain.
IMHO, just make sure you are clean and neat, and look "professional" and even the excercise thing can be good (we can't serve the Lord the best if we are out of shape)…but don't worry so much about how cute you are, how atractive you are…scratch that, sexually atractive. That's what it boils down to. The world has tricked us into seeing sexually atractive as being beautiful…and that's just plain wrong.
Anyway, like I said, probably way to blunt and to the point…and I could probably use a lot more tact in sayin' stuff like this, but oh well. Forgive me please, but take to heart what I said.
Well thank you Kristie for you comment and prayers. I will pray for you too, as well as myself. Also Jeepman, I understand what you are saying and agree. You are a wonderful young man. I hope to marry a man like you someday.
I think you hit the nail on the head man, you had it when you said that some of the most self-conscious people are the most attractive ones
Well here is one thing I want to say.
Wether it is a man or woman every one is a blessed soul by birth.
You must always think that God is always loving you and you are still alive perfectly, think of the people who were disabled but were still stars (Ray Charles- had vision problem,Lance Armstrong – had cancer and many others), think of the people who have every thing but no happiness, think of the people who die in earth quakes, floods, accidents etc..
God even listens to ants fall and he has his own tricks to attract you.
The only way you get to know about yourself is that dont think that you are just a body a combination of matter but you are more than that. What happens when you give up your body it falls into cracks and no one cares.
The value is always given to a person but not to his or her body.
Think of great saints of the world (Mother Teresa, Jesus, Buddha etc) they never cared for this physical body, physical flesh and appearance. They had one motto and one aim.
TO love all and serve all and happiness and love comes back to you with a compound interest.
I am a Guy by the way.