A little mindless entertainment

It was a typical evening for me. My husband and I had just finished cleaning up after dinner, and we sat down to see what was on TV in order to end the day with a little mindless entertainment. We ended up watching a show about 2 families who switch wives and consequently “moms.”

Although I had seen this show before, this one particular episode really made an impact on me because of one of the wives’ strong devotion to animal rights. Not only did she not eat any animal or animal byproduct, but she also didn’t wear any clothes that came from an animal. On top of that, she preached veganism openly and talked about how she hoped to plant seeds in people’s minds so that they too might consider veganism.

The mindless entertainment turns thought provoking

It wasn’t her devotion however that impacted me. Countless times I have witnessed many people who were devoted to all kinds of causes or ideals. What stunned me the most however, was the way that the show attempted to expose and utterly scrutinize any possible hypocrisy that they could find in her. For example, they would show a clip of her saying something passionate for her cause and then show a clip of her spanking the family dog for messing on the floor.

I have to admit that at first it was funny, but I realized that the bigger issue wasn’t that they were exposing a certain hypocrite, but that those who choose to take a stand for anything in this culture will always be judged and scrutinized. Whether you take a stand for animal rights, the environment, or the right to carry a gun, you will be criticized and judged, because that is what the world does. This world applauds people who tolerate anything and everything and choose the path of least resistance.

Nothing is really mindless

As Christians, we have to realize that it is not just because we are taking a stand for Jesus that we will be judged by our culture, but because we take a stand for anything at all.

As Christians, we have to realize that it is not just because we are taking a stand for Jesus that we will be judged by our culture, but because we take a stand for anything at all. Look around you and you will see people making decisions about things and right along side them you will see others criticizing and picking them apart.

So be encouraged in your stand for Jesus! Expect the scrutiny and be thankful that what you are taking a stand for has the one and only God behind it approving of you all along the way. When you realize that, it really doesn’t matter what anyone thinks or says. As for the vegan woman, I wish her the best, and I hope she finds Jesus because her kind of passion mixed in with a reckless abandon for God could be quite a sight!

originally published 07/31/2005

My High School Crush

I never dated in high school, but I had one major crush that lasted from sophomore to senior year. Kelly had beautiful blonde hair, sparkling green eyes, and a gorgeous smile. I wanted to date Kelly more than any girl I knew. She was quiet and mysterious. She never threw herself at boys. She never brought attention to herself, but I was always paying attention to her. I wrote a love poem to her that I always kept in my back pocket, waiting for the opportunity to give it to her.

Near the middle of my senior year, I realized I was running out of opportunities to pursue Kelly. In a matter of months I was heading off to college, probably never to return…unless I had a reason to. I decided to run track in the spring because Kelly did and I wanted to be around her. I hated running so I did the pole vault. (As a side note, the pole vault is not something you just decide to do on a whim—you either end up looking stupid, getting hurt, or both. Luckily for me, I only looked stupid.) I went to track meets, tried my hardest to pole vault, and watched Kelly.

Prom time rolled around and I decided it was my last chance. I called Kelly up and asked her to the prom. She said yes! Kelly looked beautiful on prom night and I loved just being with her. On the way to our After Prom we sat silent, driving through the dark countryside. My hearting was beating straight through my chest. I realized this was the only time I would ever have Kelly’s complete attention—I had to tell her how I felt about her. Finally, I broke the silence. I tried to explain my feelings, stumbling over my words, and Kelly just sat there watching me. I bombed. We got to After Prom and things were awkward the rest of the night.

At track practice the next Monday, one of the good-looking athletes on the track team walked up to me. He said he wanted to date Kelly and asked for my permission. I was speechless. What was I going to say? No?

The next day we had a track meet and word came that they were seeing each other. On the dark bus ride home I sat in stunned silence. I pulled the love letter to Kelly out of my pocket. I stared at it for a while—then I took a bite, chewed, and swallowed. I took another bite, and then another. I bit off piece after piece, word after word, washing it all down with Powerade until the entire piece of paper was gone.

Kelly would never read my love letter.

What I Wish I Knew Then

I’ve learned a lot about girls, relationships, and myself since then. I know that sometimes you just have to learn things the hard way and even if you heard the truth you might not listen, but if I could go back in time, this is what I would tell myself:

1. Crushes are disappointing, no matter what the outcome. If things go badly, you get turned down, or worse, ignored. If things go well, you may start seeing each other. But then one day it hits you—this guy or girl is nowhere near the amazing person you thought they were. Your crush isn’t always good-looking, isn’t always fun, isn’t always nice. And that happiness you thought you’d have is nowhere to be found.
2. Crushes are top-heavy. Some people will say that the problem with crushes is that they aren’t real. Actually, the problem is that crushes are too real—too real for the relationship. You have so much emotion (love, desire, and longing) that the small amount of relationship you do have with your crush can’t stand the weight of it. There is no committed friendship on which to build.
3. Crushes are often a mixture of love and lust. That’s why it’s often so difficult to decide if they are good or bad. You truly love your crush. You want the best for them, you pray for them, and you wish you could show them how much you care for them. But you also lust after them. Lust is simply desiring something or someone that is not yours. A crush isn’t yours to desire. That may sound unreasonable, but let me offer one reason why I think God gives this rule: Lusting after your crush will set you up for disappointment with the person God does give you, because you are desiring a perfect person you could never have. God will one day provide you with the husband or wife he has designed for you, but you will still be in the habit of looking and lusting for that unattainable crush. Who’s hurt then? Not just you, but your husband or wife as well.

Go And Crush No More

Can you hear a piece of advice from one guy who’s been there? Don’t crush. Kelly was not the girl God had for me even though I desperately wanted her to be. Yes, it’s inevitable that you’re going to like people—there’s nothing wrong with that! God designed us to be attracted to the opposite sex and to desire relationship. But focus your attention on building friendships, not fantasies. Exhibit true love, which is sacrificial action. Pray that God would make that girl or guy you like more like him, not that God would make them talk to you. Encourage all your brothers and sisters in Christ, don’t just compliment that one guy or girl on how amazingly attractive they are. I spent so much time, energy, and emotion crushing on a girl and now there’s nothing to show for it—not even a love letter.

Originally published February, 2005

Nobody wants to be overweight

Millions of dollars are spent every year on products that promise people weight loss and healthier lives. So why is it that the obesity level in the United States continues to climb in 49 out of 50 states? How do we as Christians respond to this obesity issue in our own lives?

Do we “listen” to what the Bible says?

I think we’ve all thought of our health in reference to 1 Corinthians 6:19, in which the Bible tells us that our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit. We think about how we ought to be inclined to take care of our bodies because they house the Holy Spirit, but do we really live that mentality out?

In our culture, it is very difficult to maintain a healthy lifestyle. In fact, it is almost weird to do so. It is common to see refrigerators full of sugar-packed and processed food, but, if you look in someone’s fridge and see vegetables and water, you’re likely to call them a “health nut”. But are they really the nut?

Good stewardship does not equal idol making

However, just because it’s not the most important issue in our lives, doesn’t mean that it should sit on the sidelines altogether.

I think one of the reasons why Christians often struggle with weight issues as much as non believers is that we know that physical muscle is not as important as spiritual muscle. We know that God is not looking at us and deciding whether he will love us based on the size of our love handles. However, just because it’s not the most important issue in our lives, doesn’t mean that it should sit on the sidelines altogether. God designed our bodies to work in a wonderfully complex way and we have the responsibility to take care of it.

At the same time, we have to be careful that we are taking care of ourselves for the right reason, which is to thankfully steward a gift from God. We cannot do it out of selfish motives or vanity because that mentality leads us to create idols, where looking good is all that we care about.

So just because the obesity level is climbing in our country, you can choose not to be a part of that statistic by caring for yourself to the glory of God.

1. Asbury College- Wilmore, KY

• Annual tuition averages: $3024
• Student body: 1,155
• Top academic programs include: Religion/Philosophy, English, and Education
• Intercollegiate athletic programs include: Baseball, Basketball, Cross Country, Soccer, Softball, Swimming, Tennis, Track and Field, Volleyball
• For more info visit: www.asbury.edu

2. Bethel College- St. Paul, MN

• Annual tuition averages: $18,700
  Student body: 2,772
• Top academic programs include: Education, Business, Health Professions/Related Sciences
• Intercollegiate athletic programs include: Baseball, Basketball, Cross Country, Football, Golf, Ice Hockey, Soccer, Softball, Tennis, Track and Field, Volleyball
• For more info visit: www.bethel.edu

3. Bryan College- Dayton, TN

• Annual tuition averages: $19,990
• Student body:775
• Top academic programs include: Business/Marketing, Psychology, Philosophy/Religion, Education
• Intercollegiate athletic programs include: Baseball, Basketball, Soccer, Tennis, Volleyball
• For more info visit: www.bryan.edu

4. Campbell University- Buies Creek, NC

• Annual tuition averages: $24,758
• Student body: 4,384
• Top academic programs include: Business/Marketing, Sciences, History
• Intercollegiate athletic programs include: Baseball, Basketball, Cross Country, Golf, Soccer, Softball, Tennis, Track and Field, Volleyball, Wrestling
• For more info visit: www.campbell.edu

5. Colorado Christian University- Lakewood, CO

• Annual tuition averages: $24,880
• Student body: 1,826
• Top academic programs include: Business/Marketing, Computer Information, Liberal Arts/General Studies
• Intercollegiate athletic programs include: Basketball, Cross Country, Golf, Soccer, Tennis, Volleyball
• For more info visit: www.ccu.edu

6. Covenant College- Lookout Mountain, GA

• Annual tuition averages: $28,030
• Student body: 898
• Top academic programs include: Social Sciences/History, Education, Biological/Life Sciences
• Intercollegiate athletic programs include: Basketball, Cross Country, Soccer, Volleyball
• For more info visit: www.covenant.edu

7. Gardner-Webb University- Boiling Springs, NC

• Annual tuition averages: $23,330
• Student body: 2,659
• Top academic programs include: Philosophy/Religion, Education, Nursing
• Intercollegiate athletic programs include: Baseball, Basketball, Cheerleading, Cross Country, Football, Golf, Soccer, Softball, Swimming, Tennis, Track and Field, Volleyball, Wrestling
• For more info visit: www.gardner-webb.edu

8. Lee University- Cleveland, TN

• Annual tuition averages: $15,282
• Student body: 3,648
• Top academic programs include: Music, Bible, Education
• Intercollegiate athletic programs include: Basketball, Cross Country, Golf, Soccer, Softball, Tennis, Volleyball
• For more info visit: www.leeuniversity.edu

9. Liberty University- Lynchburg, VA

• Annual tuition averages: $20,750
• Student body: 9,975
• Top academic programs include: Business/Marketing, Philosophy/Religion, Psychology
• Intercollegiate athletic programs include: Baseball, Basketball, Cross Country, Football, Golf, Soccer, Softball, Tennis, Track and Field, Volleyball
• For more info visit: www.liberty.edu

10. The Master’s College- Santa Clarita, CA

• Annual tuition averages: $27,670
• Student body: 1,130
• Top academic programs include: Philosophy/Religion, Business/Marketing, Education
• Intercollegiate athletic programs include: Baseball, Basketball, Cross Country, Golf, Soccer, Softball, Volleyball
• For more info visit: www.masters.edu

11. Messiah College- Grantham, PA

• Annual tuition averages: $30,350
• Student body: 2,854
• Top academic programs include: Education, Business/Marketing, Home Economics
• Intercollegiate athletic programs include: Baseball, Basketball, Cross Country, Field Hockey, Golf, Lacrosse, Soccer, Softball, Tennis, Track and Field, Volleyball, Wrestling
• For more info visit: www.messiah.edu

12. Palm Beach Atlantic University- West Palm Beach, FL

• Annual tuition averages: $25,520
• Student body: 2,486
• Top academic programs include: Business/Marketing, Psychology, Communication
• Intercollegiate athletic programs include: Baseball, Basketball, Cheerleading, Cross Country, Golf, Soccer, Softball, Tennis, Volleyball
• For more info visit: www.pba.edu

13. Taylor University- Upland, IN

• Annual tuition averages: $27,895
• Student body: 1,854
• Top academic programs include: Education, Business Marketing, Philosophy/Religion
• Intercollegiate athletic programs include: Baseball, Basketball, Cross Country, Football, Golf, Soccer, Softball, Tennis, Track and Field, Volleyball
• For more info visit: www.tayloru.edu

14. Wheaton College- Wheaton, IL

• Annual tuition averages: $29,490
• Student body: 2,365
• Top academic programs include: English, Philosophy/Religion, Trade/Industry
• Intercollegiate athletic programs include: Baseball, Basketball, Cross Country, Football, Golf, Soccer, Softball, Swimming, Tennis, Track and Field, Volleyball, Wrestling
• For more info visit: www.wheaton.edu

You don’t have to take our word for it- Tools for personal research

• www.christiansunite.com
• www.crosssearch.com
• www.christiancollegementor.org
• http://education.yahoo.com/college/essentials/

Show me the money!- Scholarships and Loans

• www.christiancollegementor.org/FinAid
• www.scholarshipexperts.com
• www.fastweb.com
• www.collegenet.com
• Google Search

I couldn’t think of anyone I had ever met who was more brilliant than this man. His charisma was heavier than the air; it was as though my lungs had gladly substituted life’s oxygen for his passion. His insight was never-ending and his logic was brilliant. After leaving his classroom I couldn’t help but to feel twice as alive as I was only fifty minutes beforehand. Students would congregate in his office before and after class hoping to uncover the source of his vigor. He was a fountain of knowledge available to anyone who came to him with an empty bucket. His passion was for teaching and his message was the New Testament. I met him my first year at college.

Impressionable and hungry for knowledge, I absorbed every word that was spoken. Only one among thirty, we were all mesmerized by his ability to persuade. His speech was impeccable and his words did more than just flow from his mouth; they sprang, danced, and marched out like circus animals being led by their ringmaster. He knew what he was talking about and he presented it well. The words of the Gospels came alive before us. We could close our eyes and see Jesus leading the twelve through the streets of Capernaum. Our bodies were confined to cheap plastic chairs and long narrow tables but our minds sat with Jesus on the hillside while He delivered the Beatitudes. We were challenged to think and to read with intention. Old stories became fresh and alive, new theories and critical thinking only helped to uncover dusty Sunday school lessons long since forgotten. A plethora of views began to develop as we wrote down every last word. Who was this man named Jesus and what was His role here on earth? When did He know He was the Christ? What did He mean by this and by that? Was He really the Son of God? Did Matthew and Mark actually write “their” gospels? Could He have really been born in Bethlehem but raised in Nazareth? Was the resurrection even a historical event… how fast the bliss is stolen and how quickly the innocence is lost.

His passion increased and so did the questions. I watched as my classmates began developing uncertainties of their own. His flame was spreading and we were all soon emblazed. Was Jesus a miracle worker or a magician? Was His death on a cross necessary or no more than a symbolic act? Of what significance is a blood sacrifice to the twenty-first century? Can we even be certain that Jesus spoke the familiar red letters in our Bible? Did the Son of God come to save man from sin or to free the poor from their slavery? At first it was invigorating, but soon it was exhausting and deadly. We were no longer answering questions, but had turned to questioning answers. I suppose this concept is beneficial in many circumstances, but what if the answer is Jesus Christ? Who are we to question the Word of God?

The Apostle Paul says “we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves, and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming” (Eph. 4:14). It sounds simple on paper, but becomes overwhelmingly difficult when applied to our lives. Three years into my education, I had taken a class with him every semester. My faith became unstable and my witness was weak. I had forgotten why the Lord brought me to college and my questions were growing darker with every week that passed by. I was but one of only a few students who made it out that lucky. Many of my classmates began to lose all signs of their relationship with Christ. Here we were, preparing for the ministry, yet questioning the Man who called us, and doubting the Scriptures He ordained. Looking back I wonder why we were ever surprised that our relationship with the Lord was failing. How well would your relationships continue to grow if those you loved questioned the truth of everything you said? Some friends turned to skepticism, insisting that the Scriptures were fabricated and the Jesus I knew was but the result of alternative motives and self-serving men of ages gone by. Others, pinned down by the weight of their own questions, ceased to believe that the Creator was in control. They may not have rejected His Word, but they no longer trusted their Savior with the toils of everyday living. Still others continue to blindly chase after false doctrines created by man. Unless the Lord intercedes, they will only go on to lead younger Christians down the same path of cunning deception and confusion.

I was at a crossroads and a decision had to made: Which path would I chose? It was a long and difficult process. I deeply respected both my professor and my friends but it appeared that our convictions were about to separate our passions for the Scripture. While they continued to research and create a multitude of theories, I found much peace and fear in Galatians 1:6-9.

“I am amazed that you are so quickly deserting Him who called you by the grace of Christ, for a different gospel; which is really not another; only there are some who are disturbing you, and want to distort the gospel of Christ. But even though we, or an angel from heaven, should preach to you a gospel contrary to that which we have preached to you, let him be accursed. As we have said before, so I say again now, if any man is preaching to you a gospel contrary to that which you received, let him be accursed.”

I rest my faith in Scripture alone. I may study it and explore it with passion, creativity, and even confusion. Who am I though, to question what the Scriptures teach me about Jesus Christ? Who am I to debate the authority of the Bible? The book of Galatians tells me I am cursed if I present any Christ other than the one clearly laid out in Scripture. Three years of agony and deep confusion was the result of my complacency. The integrity of Scripture and a dedication to the truth had not yet become a priority or passion in my life. I was not prepared for the “waves and winds of false doctrine and trickery” that were inevitably waiting for me on the other side of adulthood. Only God’s grace and provision prevented me from being pulled under by the well-intended passions and teachings of an otherwise good man. Many of my friends were not so blessed.

“For many deceivers have gone out into the world, those who do not acknowledge Jesus Christ as coming in the flesh. This is the deceiver and the antichrist. Watch yourselves that you might not lose what we have accomplished, but that you may receive a full reward” (2 John 7).

“And as a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves, and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head, even Christ” (Eph. 4:14, 15).

“60-80% of all Internet sites are pornography related!”

Pornography is rampant in society. We all know the statistics of how prevalent pornography is on the Internet � I’ve read that anywhere from 60-80% of all Internet sites are pornography related! With pornography so common, it is important for us to know why it is wrong. It is important for Christians to be aware of the dangers of pornography because of the harmful effects it can have on one’s walk with the Lord and life, as well as how to help ourselves or someone else who struggles with this issue.

The word pornography comes from the Greek language. In Greek, “porne” means harlot, and “graphein” means writing. It is translated literally as “the writing of harlots.” Webster’s Dictionary defines it as “the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement.” Typically where there is sexual excitement there is also sexual desire. Lust is defined as “an intense sexual desire” in Webster’s Dictionary. In other words pornography can be anything that causes lust. In Matthew 5:28 Jesus says that if you lust after a woman you have already committed adultery in your heart. The seventh commandment tells us that adultery is sin (Exodus 20:14). This answers the question “Why is pornography is wrong?”, but as humans we usually have to learn the hard way.

“We cannot allow ourselves to take part in what the world thinks is OK when we know it is sin.”

Knowing that something is sin doesn’t usually keep us from committing that sin. We need to look at how we can keep from committing the sin of pornography, as well as how we can help others who are struggling with this sin. There are many verses in Scripture that talk about sexual immorality. These verses tell us that sexual immorality has no place in the life of a Christian. Colossians 3:5 says to “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality …” Ephesians 5:3, I Peter 4:3, and I John 2:15-17 talk about no longer acting like the world acts. The world sees nothing wrong with pornography. This is evident in television, magazines, movies, the Internet, etc… As Christians we are to resist this. We cannot allow ourselves to take part in what the world thinks is OK when we know it is sin. Christians are to behave differently than the world. This is what the Lord expects of us.

Pornography provides an escape from reality for those who view it. Like many other things that distort reality, such as alcohol or drugs, it can become an addiction. Soon it may become the only way that a person can deal with the world around them. Those who view pornography often have a distorted view of reality because of it. Pornography devalues women and sex, and this influences how its viewers think about the world around them. Often they view women not as human beings, but as sex objects. Sex becomes something of little value. Instead of an act of love in the confines of marriage as God intended it; sex is a means for their own gratification. This fantasy world inhibits their ability to function in the world around them. Often they become increasingly withdrawn and less motivated to function in the real world around them. People who become addicted to pornography are consumed with the fantasy world and they begin to lose the ability to function as well in the real world. Those addicted to pornography also often become increasingly selfish and inconsiderate of others.

Other Resources:
- Battle Plan Against Pornography
- Fighting Sexual Temptation – And Winning

- Morality In Media
- eXXit.org
- XXXChurch.com
- Every Man’s Battle
- AFA Issues: Pornography

A pornography addiction is very similar to other addictions, but often it can be hidden more easily than alcoholism or drug addiction. Addictions are very difficult to break. One study showed that rats can become addicted to a pleasant or pleasing stimulus (the stimulus they used was an electric current to the pleasure sensors of the rats’ brains). In this study scientists gave the rats the choice of the stimulus or food, and the rats chose the stimulus repeatedly. They continued to choose stimulus instead of eating and they eventually died as a result of not eating. We know that we are different from animals and that we are a special creation of the Lord, but the example of the rats shows how powerful addictions can be. Unlike rats we were created with a soul and because of this we have the hope of being saved from addiction.

A pornography addiction can become extremely powerful for both Christians and non-Christians. Addictions often ruin the lives of those who are addicted, as well as hurt the people around them. In order to break a pornography addiction it is necessary to turn to the Lord. I Corinthians 6:18 says that sexual sin is committed against one’s own body. Because of this I feel that it is necessary to seek the forgiveness of the Lord in order to break a sexual addiction such as pornography. If you or someone you know is addicted to pornography there are 3 things that the person should do to begin to overcome their addiction:

1. Confess � Admit to the Lord that there is a problem and ask the Lord for forgiveness. Be humble before the Lord. It is imperative that the person realizes that pornography is sin, but that the Lord will forgive them if they ask with a sincere heart. Submit yourself to the Lord’s will � we can’t do it on our own!
2. Accountability � Find someone who you can become accountable to. This should be a person you can trust to be honest with you, and you should be able to be honest with them. It should not be someone of the opposite sex. Ideally it would be someone who is not struggling with pornography also � you may cause each other to stumble. Make a commitment to call one another whenever you are tempted to lust / view pornography. Accountability should be done in a nonjudgmental way. The two people should support and encourage each other in confidentiality. Pray together and for each other.
3. Read the Word � In order to grow spiritually it is necessary to read the Bible and spend time with the Lord. Having a daily time with the Lord will help you to focus on serving the Lord and to not give into temptation. Memorizing Scripture is also important. Having verses to draw upon during temptation will make your ability to resist temptation stronger. Remember, we can’t do anything without the Lord � He is our strength. We must walk closely with the Lord to rely on Him for strength.

“Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?” Proverbs 7:27

If you are struggling with a pornography addiction or if you are trying to help someone who has one, look at David’s commitment in Psalm 101:3a. David says, “I will set before my eyes no vile thing.” As we know David struggled with lust and it had a devastating effect on his life. Pornography is vile. It is not the Lord’s design for sex because it is based on lust. It goes against what is wholesome and pure. Proverbs 5:22 & 23, and 6:20-35 describe how sexual sin can lead to destruction. These verses should be enough to scare us away from pornography. If you are struggling with this be encouraged! The Lord wants to forgive you. His invitation is open to everyone. David was a man after God’s own heart and he struggled with lust, and the Lord still did amazing things with his life.

Often people with a pornography addiction feel like outcasts because the Church has a history of ostracizing those who have committed sexual sin. It is important for Christians to act in love toward people who struggle with pornography. Alienating them will only intensify their escape from reality. They need to know that they are unconditionally loved and accepted. If the Lord can forgive and love them, can’t we � shouldn’t we!

Originally Published: October 2003

God’s nature and our nature are quite different.

God is holy, but we can’t go without thinking an unholy thought for very long.

God is love, but we rather spend our day doing the things that please us rather than giving of ourselves to help others.

God is patient, but we get frustrated if we can’t get around the car in front of us who (in our opinion) is going too slow!

God is forgiving, but we hold resentment in our hearts towards those who didn’t keep their word one too many times.

These are just a few examples of how vastly different we are from our God. Does it convict you? Well, God understands. No I mean, he really understands.

“Because of the miraculous signs he did in Jerusalem at the Passover celebration, many people were convinced that he was indeed the Messiah. But Jesus didn’t trust them, because he knew what people were really like. No one needed to tell him about human nature.” John 2:23-25

“…it won’t take long for us to revert to our ways of pettiness and faithlessness…”

Isn’t it sad to think that Jesus had people proclaiming belief in him all the time, but he couldn’t trust in their word because he knew that they were going to turn their backs on him soon after? He understood this then and he understands it now. He knows that we get so pumped about God after church or after an event, but that it won’t take long for us to revert to our ways of pettiness and faithlessness. He understands. Unlike Jesus, if you lacked a certain characteristic, you would need someone to explain to you, why someone with that characteristic behaved the way they did. Jesus is different. Without possessing the negative qualities that we do, he understands our nature without it being explained to him.

“I can feel that much closer to my God realizing that he fully understands me.”

Knowing this, I can feel that much closer to my God realizing that he fully understands me. He doesn’t look down on me and think “What is wrong with you? Why do you act like that?” Instead, he lovingly reminds me of the big picture and gently encourages me to behave in a way that pleases him.

When you feel down for no particular reason at all, he understands. When you are jealous over a friend’s triumph and it really bothers you because you want to be happy for them, he understands. When you hurt the people you love the most, but are nice to complete strangers, he understands.

Remember this, the next time you behave in a way that is ungodly, and you imagine a bearded man in a white robe looking down from heaven thinking, “I don’t understand kids these days. Why does he think that?” or “Why does she act like that?” Your parents may have a hard time understanding “kids these days”, but God doesn’t. He understands perfectly. He loves perfectly. He forgives perfectly. Let the knowledge of this fuel your desire to know God better, trusting that he knows your nature and never holds it against you.

Originally Published: September, 2003

Do you know why many people dislike American culture? Because we are consumers; we consume everything. Books, movies, music, all forms of entertainment, clothing, all the latest fashions and trends, ideas and information, products, goods and services, natural resources, and-of course-food. Recently on the Simpson’s, Homer is wearing a t-shirt with Uncle Sam eating the world and it says, “Try to stop us.” Whether we like it or not, we are a society of consumers. And, even though this is a perfect example of how we should be “in the world but not of it,” American Christians have not been immune to this trend. We are called to be counter to the culture, and yet we fall in step with the ideas of our world without so much as a struggle.

Why is this a problem? Well, besides the fact that we are not called to live materialistic lives, where things are more important than relationships, the consumerist mentality creates an imbalance of focus on the self. In a word, we are selfish. Maybe not more than the culture around us, who we wrongly compare ourselves to and come back feeling smugly self-righteous, but compared to the selflessness of Christ, we are a shame. Christ was the ultimate anti-consumer. Even though he deserved everything this world had to offer, he “took the form of a servant.” And yet we, his followers (or “little Christ’s,” as the word “Christians” means), refuse to follow his example. What’s even more disappointing is the prevalence of our selfishness in the one place it should never be seen-the church.

The church is intended to stick out like a sore thumb in the world. When outsiders look in, they should see the love and unity of Christ and be amazed. But what people often see is nothing different from what the rest of the world offers. That’s because we aren’t any different. We, the church, see ourselves as nothing more than a club or membership that brings with it special privileges and enjoyable benefits. Do any of these sound familiar?

• “I don’t like going to youth group anymore. The new youth pastor isn’t as good as the old one.”
• “I just can’t worship the Lord to that style of music.”
• “I don’t get much out of the service when he speaks. He’s just not a good public speaker.”
• “I’m trying to find another Bible study, because I just don’t relate very well with the people in the one I’m in now.”

You’ve probably heard other Christians say things like this. Maybe you’ve said some of these things yourself. Although it’s not a perfect indicator, if you’ve heard yourself say these things often, or these have been your reasons for not being involved or serving in your church, then you most likely have a problem. If you suspect you do, ask the Lord to show you. The truth is, none of us is immune to selfishness and it’s a natural, but sinful, tendency. But it also must be stopped. As a member of the body of Christ, you have a responsibility to Christ and to the believers around you to be the best body-part of Christ that includes dying to the consumer mentality of this world. This is not McChurch and, no, you don’t get worship on the side. Worship is something you give to God. Church is not about you-it’s about him.

So what do we do about this wrong attitude? What can you do about the fast-food faith problem? Try the following:

1. Realize that nothing good comes from focusing on ourselves-even focusing on our own spiritual health. (It’s important to evaluate where we are spiritually, asking the Lord to guide us, but to focus on our own spiritual health and well-being is to take over God’s job in our lives. He said “seek God’s kingdom and righteousness first,” not “seek your own spiritual well-being first.”) (Matthew 6:33)
2. Pray that God would change our hearts from our consumer mentality and ask Him to convict us of it on the spot, when it happens. (Psalm 139:23)
3. Actively seek to take captive thoughts which lead us to casually criticize the church, church leadership, or fellow believers. (2 Corinthians 10:5)
4. Make it a personal challenge to do something about the problems we do see-but in a humble and loving manner. If you see something good to do, do it! (James 4:17)
5. Whenever we join a new Bible study, ministry team, or whatever, seek to find the places the Lord could use us-rather than look for the things we could get from the group, or ministry. (Romans 12:4-10)
6. Emulate Christ, by taking the positions of lower importance, lower enjoyment, and lower blessing. By doing so with a joyful attitude, you bring glory to God and show the power of Christ to change selfishness into selflessness. (Phillipians 2:3)

As you give up more of yourself and take the form of a servant, you will come to know the richness of life in Christ. You will never find richness and joy in consuming. Consuming only leaves us feeling dissatisfied and wanting more. Life is too short and Christ’s blood too precious for you and I to be the food critics of the body of Christ.

For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another.

- Galatians 5:13-15

It had been one of the roughest days of her life. October had come up so quickly and, before she knew it, Homecoming Week was in full swing. Heather loved all of the themed dress days (today had been Western day) and the spirit competitions, but every year her enthusiasm was coupled with an underlying dread about the Homecoming Dance that wrapped-up the week’s festivities.

She was a senior and for three years she had longingly waited for someone to ask her to the dance. Every year, on Wednesday of Homecoming Week (the last day to buy tickets for the Saturday dance) she fought through the day feeling sick to her stomach, realizing that her hopes were truly in vain. Each year had gotten progressively worse, but today felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. As the day ended, she realized that she would complete her high school career saying that she had never had a date to a dance.

So today, as she walked home from school, feeling the weight of her backpack on her shoulders and the lonely chill of the October wind blow through her bones, she cried. She cried because not one single guy in her entire school wanted to go out with her. She cried because, out of all of the hundreds of guys she bumped into throughout her day, not one of them thought she was pretty enough to have on his arm. She cried because not one of them thought she was worth spending just four hours with on one Saturday night of the whole school year. She felt ugly, alone, and worthless.

Have you ever felt like Heather? My guess is that at any point in your life you have felt anywhere from one to all of these emotions. The journey through adolescence is about finding out who you are as an individual. Where do you fit in at school, with your family, with your friends? These questions of identity are often answered by who you date or who thinks you’re worth spending time with. I would say that for most young people, the biggest issues in their lives have to do with relationships.

With all of these questions comes the issue of singleness. What is the Christian response to singleness? In this article, I will attempt to respond to this question.

What do we know?

First, we must identify what the world tells us about singleness.

The media: Commercials tell us that we will have complete happiness if we find an attractive person to share their product with. Let’s look at a couple of examples. If we chew Dentyne Ice, not only will we find true love with the shirt-less sweaty man sitting on our windowsill, but we will also get that cool icy feel of being in love when our lips lock around our chewing gum. If we heat Uncle Ben’s Instant Rice in our microwave (with a savvy young man joining us for dinner), we will find romance and passion in a red, candlelit room as we mutually satisfy our appetites. Television shows also broadcast this same message. The goal is to be in a relationship. Have you ever noticed that every nearly every Series ends with a wedding? In the same way, movies tell us that all is complete when the couple gets through their wedding day and rides off into the sunset. From there on out, life is utter bliss and neither the bride nor the groom will feel lonely ever again.

Our family: Doesn’t it seem like the only question at every family gathering is, “So, are you dating anybody?” This seems to especially come from the more “senior” members of the group (i.e. grandmas and great-aunts). The question is posed as if the only thing in your life worthy of interest is your most recent date/relationship.

Our peers: When I look at high school relationships, I am always astounded by how much of a status symbol it is. Joey on the football team dates Ashley the cheerleader to show his boys that he can win himself a “Babe” by his svelte looks and his charming smile. Ashley, though not too impressed with Joey, dates him because then Mark, the quarterback will notice her and ask her to the prom. Sound familiar? I’m not saying that every high school relationship plays out like this little drama but, often times, high school relationships are not pursued solely because two people enjoy each other’s company.

What is inside of us?

Another question to address is, what is it inside of us that drives us to want a relationship? I know that the world tells me I am supposed to want a relationship, but when I ignore their coaxing, why do I still feel lonely? Let’s take a look at how we were created.

In Genesis, we are told that God created the earth and everything in it, the vegetation, the creatures of the sea, the beasts of the land, but God made man in His own image. We were created for communion with Him. Before the Fall, God walked with Adam and Eve in the Garden. When sin entered man, a great ravine divided us, the unholy, from God, the holy one. In His holiness, He cannot be with us.

We were created to be in communion with Him and, separation from Him creates a void in our hearts. Many people try to fill this void with worldly things: money, jobs, material possessions, addictions and, often times, relationships. I would say that out of all of these choices, relationships are the most fulfilling because they most closely mimic the original. Relationships involve mind and body and they are the most intimate form of communion two people can experience. They are not, however, the original.

What does God say?

Do you remember the game that babies play where they have to find the right shaped hole to put the piece through to get it into the tub? The star must go through the star hole, the cube must go through the square hole, etc. I think this game is often like what we try to do with relationships. Earthly relationships are the sphere and God is the octagon. Kids often mistake the octagon hole for the sphere hole because they look so similar, but after numerous tries and mounting frustration, they realize it doesn’t work.

In the same way, because some of the products of a relationship resemble the fulfillment we find in God, people often mistake them for true happiness. In the end, however, after numerous tries and tear-filled nights, they realize that it just doesn’t work. Their relationship just doesn’t make them happy.

So how do I fill the emptiness?

The truth is that nothing will make us truly happy unless it is the real deal; a relationship with our Creator. The question has nothing to do with whether or not you can get a date to the next dance and everything to do with who you are in relationship to your Creator.

In Psalm 139:13-16 we are reminded that God wove us together in our mother’s womb. David goes on to say that “My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.”

In I Peter 1:21-24 we are reminded that Christ, being fully human, committed no sin and, as our God, died on a cross and bore the sins of the world. Though we were lost in our sin and separated from Him, He thought us lovely and worthwhile enough to come and die for us so that we could be with Him.

That, right there is the only octagon that will fill our void. His loving act of sacrifice is what truly answers the questions that Heather, and so many of us, grapple with: Am I lovely? Am I worth being with? Am I worth loving?

The God of the universe loves you just the way you are. He loves you weight, your height, your skin, your teeth. He finds you astoundingly attractive and desires all of the time you will give Him. So, what is the Christian’s response to singleness? A contentment that comes from a relationship with the God of the Universe who loves every piece of who you are.

If you are a single person today, I challenge you to find joy in the fact that your Creator wants to be your date for the rest of your life. While relationships here on earth can be exciting and give the feeling of worth among your peers, the only thing that will truly satisfy your lonely heart, is relationship with the One who has loved you since He knit you together in your mother’s womb. So whether you are recently single or looking for your first date, know that no boyfriend or girlfriend can give you what God promises those who earnestly seek Him and come to know Him.

What is abuse? According the Webster’s Dictionary abuse is “a corrupt practice or custom, characterized by wrong or improper use or action.” The dictionary also says that abuse is “physical maltreatment and abusive language.” This article will address physical and sexual abuse as well as neglect. When the word abuse is used in this article it will be in reference to each of these.

“Abuse is sin and not only is it detestable to the Lord, but each one of us should be detested by the thought of it.”

Abuse is something that should be taken extremely seriously. Abuse is sin and not only is it detestable to the Lord, but each one of us should be detested by the thought of it. We should be so sensitive to abuse that we long to see the victims removed from the situation. If this is happening in your home you have the right, and obligation, to seek help. If a child / minor (someone under 18 years old) is being abused, adults who are aware of it are required to report it to the proper authorities. If an adult fails to do this they are held responsible as aiding in the abuse, because they allowed it to go on. Abuse should be reported to either Social Services or directly to the local policing authorities.

Minors in abusive situations should confide in an adult who they can trust. This may be a pastor, family member, teacher, counselor, etc… In cases where something must be done immediately they should phone Social Services and / or the police as soon as possible. It is important for minors in this type of environment to know that they can get help. They also need to know that even though it may be a scary experience for them, especially if the abuser is a family member, the Lord will protect them and provide for them.

“The victims should not blame themselves. It is not their fault that the abuse is occurring.”

Many people who have been or who are being abused feel like they are to blame. They may feel like they have done something to deserve being abused. Others feel that they are worthless and that no one cares that they are being abused. Each person is valuable to the Lord and He does not want to see anyone abused. He created each person uniquely. Abuse is never right. The victims should not blame themselves. It is not their fault that the abuse is occurring. No one deserves to be abused.

Anytime abuse is occurring there needs to be a change. The abuser cannot continue to be abusive. In many cases the abuser is continuing negative behaviors that they learned while being abused as a child. This does not excuse their behavior, but it does help to identify the root of the problem and provides some insight for how to deal with it. In family therapy this is called the cycle of abuse. Abuse is passed down from generation to generation without it ever being eliminated. In families where this is happening the cycle of abuse needs to be stopped.

Each family has their own patterns of behavior. This is called the family dance. Each family member fills a role in the family and they learn to interact with each other in the roles that they play. When abuse is present in the family it is necessary not only to change the abusive behavior of the abuser, but also the entire way that the family interacts.

Every family has its own unique way of interacting and families will resist any changes to this interaction. You may be able to relate to this as you think about your own family. You may have experienced a change in the way your family interacts and seen how difficult it is for your family to adjust. This is the same in abusive situations. The abused family members obviously do not want to be abused, but they may not understand how to operate in their family without the abuse. This is why it is so difficult for some people to leave abusive situations.

“Ignoring the abuse only allows the abuse to continue and allows the abuser to continue in his or her sin.”

The abuse must not be allowed to continue. The other family members must align against the abuser and seek help from outside sources. Without help from someone who is not involved in the family’s pattern of behaving it is very difficult for the family to change. Many families hide the abuse from outsiders. This only promotes the abusive behavior. Ignoring the abuse only allows the abuse to continue and allows the abuser to continue in his or her sin.

Abuse causes enormous pain and trauma. Individuals who have been abused should seek the Lord for comfort. If you have been abused it may be helpful to pray for your abuser. You may need to pray for their salvation. You may also need to pray that the Lord would bring you to a place of forgiveness. It is difficult to forgive those who have hurt you, but the Lord can help you with this. Another part of the healing process is finding others who have been able to forgive their abusers. Dealing with abuse in a healthy way is a process. It may take time for you to be able to forgive your abuser, but if you rely on the Lord for your strength and direction it is possible.

It is a good idea for families with abusive patterns of interacting to seek family therapy. Family therapists can help families learn how to relate to each other in a healthy way. Individuals who have been abused may also benefit from individual therapy. There are Christian therapists who can help both families and individuals break the cycle of abuse by replacing those harmful behaviors with loving, healthy ones.

The Child Abuse Hotline can help those who have been abused, those who are being abused, or those who know of someone who is being abused. The hotline also provides support and guidance for people dealing with abuse. Their phone number is (800) 422-4433.