There are so many things I want to say in response to your post, but first I must say that I understand and you're not alone. I have identified with many of your posts and hear echoes of myself when I was in high school. I am a self-proclaimed over-achiever and people pleaser. I, like Paul, have a lot to claim when it comes to worldly standards. I was the class president, outstanding vocalist, valedictorian- you name it, I did it and most likely achieved at it. I went onto to college to pursue activities and awards that brought honors and the applause of man. I have always accepted the fact that I am just not beautiful- much to the disappointment of my husband who thinks I’m gorgeous- because I could justify my shortcomings in that area by counting all my other achievements. I struggle with the idea of weighing too much and being disgusted with myself. I am a couple of years ahead of you, however, and I have some disappointing news, no circumstance will change the way you feel. Losing weight will not make you feel better. Finding a boyfriend or a husband will not make you like yourself more. All of these things are just ornaments when the larger issue is the health of the tree.
My husband and I will be married 2years this March and I have to confess to you that I have never liked myself less than since I got married. My husband adores me. He thinks I'm beautiful, smart, funny; you name it, he'll say I'm good at it. But the basic fact remains- I don't like myself. To take it a step further, I don't like the body and the life God gave me. It is scary to confess this but it is the ultimate truth. Every time I criticize myself, I spit in my Creator's face and say that He didn't do a good enough job. Every time I feel down about not being good enough at something, I tell Him that I don't like the person He's made me. I sometimes even excuse it by saying that I'm just so disappointed in myself for not doing better, being thinner, looking prettier, when in reality I'm just feeling sorry for myself because things didn't go the way I would have planned it.

Perfection is only obtainable when it is toward the right goal. If I'm seeking any perfection beyond the perfection of being a child of God, I will fail. The truth of the matter is that we are deeply loved by our Creator no matter what we look like. He created us as the masterpiece over all of His creation and is in awe of us. I think, like you, all of my life I just thought that if I could find the right husband and the right career, then I would love myself, but I’m here and nothing has changed. It’s only gotten harder because I’m older and I know more. I guess what I’m saying is that over the course of the past two years, I’ve realized that the only solution to any problem is Christ. No circumstance or success will make me feel better. Only the love of Christ can fill the empty spaces of my heart. Only the God of all of creation can know my needs; my need to be accepted for me, not for my accomplishment, my need to love the body He’s given me, not the body I’m going to work toward.
GOD LOVES YOU SO VERY MUCH! I know that He cries with you when you cry your tears of loneliness and defeat. I know that He weeps when He watches you look in the mirror in disgust. He weeps because He thinks you are the most beautiful, wonderful woman and you refuse to listen when He tells you how much He loves you. I know all of this because I’m learning that kind of love. I am far from fully comprehending it, but even the taste of it that I’ve gotten has made me ashamed and disgusted with the lies I’ve believed. I’ve allowed the most vile beast of all creation, Satan tell me that I’m not good enough and I’m not lovely enough to be loved, when in all reality, I am lovely because I’m loved, not loved because I’m lovely.
I am going to pray for you tonight as I go to look in my mirror and decide if I’ll praise or criticize my master’s work of art. I will pray that God would show both of us how He truly sees us and I will beg for His grace to show us even more, every day how incredibly astounded He is with His creation- You!

It doesn't matter that much to other guys! Any guy who is out for more than animal pleasure (i.e. this "decent guy" I keep hearing about) will be looking for more than looks. I've found that most of the time the people who have the most trouble with the way they look are the one's who look the best and consequently are erased off my list of possibilities because they are too vain.

IMHO, just make sure you are clean and neat, and look "professional" and even the excercise thing can be good (we can't serve the Lord the best if we are out of shape)…but don't worry so much about how cute you are, how atractive you are…scratch that, sexually atractive. That's what it boils down to. The world has tricked us into seeing sexually atractive as being beautiful…and that's just plain wrong.

Anyway, like I said, probably way to blunt and to the point…and I could probably use a lot more tact in sayin' stuff like this, but oh well. Forgive me please, but take to heart what I said.

Wether it is a man or woman every one is a blessed soul by birth.

You must always think that God is always loving you and you are still alive perfectly, think of the people who were disabled but were still stars (Ray Charles- had vision problem,Lance Armstrong - had cancer and many others), think of the people who have every thing but no happiness, think of the people who die in earth quakes, floods, accidents etc..

God even listens to ants fall and he has his own tricks to attract you.

The only way you get to know about yourself is that dont think that you are just a body a combination of matter but you are more than that. What happens when you give up your body it falls into cracks and no one cares.

The value is always given to a person but not to his or her body.

Think of great saints of the world (Mother Teresa, Jesus, Buddha etc) they never cared for this physical body, physical flesh and appearance. They had one motto and one aim.

TO love all and serve all and happiness and love comes back to you with a compound interest.

I am a Guy by the way.